5 Things You Should Never Let Define You

It’s easy to fall into the trap of allowing yourself to be defined by external, rather than internal things. However, you should never let any one of the following five things bring you down.

  1. Your job title – We’ve all had a job at some point that we’ve hated and simply couldn’t stand. Having a job you hate has the potential to wreck your confidence, especially if you have a nasty bully of a boss that comes with the package, but one thing you must remember is that your job position does not define you. It is simply a job. We all have to take meagre work sometimes, to help pay the rent or whatever it is that we need funding for. But it does not, in any way, make you who you are. It is temporary, a little sacrifice you must make to get better things. It is either there to help you reach the next level of your career or to fund your aspirations. So don’t let it define you and don’t feel embarrassed by it – it’s just a job, we all have ’em.
  2. What others say about you – Again, this is very important. Anyone who can talk badly about a co-worker or anyone in general, especially without knowing the full extent of their situation, is obviously not a very good person. If anything, you should feel sorry for the people who say mean things about you. They’re obviously insecure, immature, lack the intelligence to understand what is acceptable and what isn’t, and obviously have nothing to do with their time than to gossip about you. Do yourself a favour and ignore it. What others say about you really doesn’t matter when you know who you are, what your story is, what your goals are and where you are headed. Focus on ideas and care less about what people say.
  3. Your relationship status – A lot of people judge themselves by whether or not they are in a relationship, and this can be very detrimental to their sense of worth. Your relationship status does not determine your self worth. People end up in a relationship, as well as single, regardless of how smart, funny, intelligent or kind they are. It’s more to do with being at the right place at the right time with someone who is compatible to you rather than how good enough you are as a potential boyfriend/girlfriend. Know that you are enough as you are and that you should be with someone because they’re a wonderful person, not because you’re afraid to be alone. Love yourself first, and if someone worthy comes along one day, they’ll love you too. Just don’t depend on it.
  4. Your outer appearance – Your outer experience does not reflect who you are inside. You could be attractive physically but dull or cruel on the inside. On the other hand, you could be an ugly duckling on the outside but compassionate and wise on the inside. Your outward appearance really does not matter, and as I’ve matured this notion has become clearer to me. As important as attraction is, the qualities I most admire in a man are honesty, intelligence and compassion. And I would much rather a man of humble beginnings who had to work his way up and knows of the cruelty of life (and chose kindness!) rather than a man who was spoon-fed with a golden spoon and thinks he’s better than everyone – I could never learn anything from that man. To sum up, your inner beauty will reflect on the outside. But don’t worry too much about how you look, compassion is so much more valuable.
  5. Past mistakes – Your past belongs, rightly so, in the past. Everyone has regrets, things they’ve done that they are not proud of, but dwelling on these mistakes is not going to help you in any way. It will only shatter your confidence and get in the way of who you could have been. You need to accept that you made a mistake, forgive yourself, move on with your life and never look back. Tell yourself that you won’t make the same mistake again and that today is a second chance to start anew and become the kind of person that you know you are deep inside.

Thanks for reading. Share your thoughts with me in the comments below.

XXX. Nina.


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